On Vampire Slayage

As you all don't know (but will in about 2.5 seconds), I have recently decided to start rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer from the beginning, since it's been so long since I've seen it. And I've come to one main conclusion.



Buffy kicks Twilight ass.





Forgetting the fact that Twilight sucks already, when you compare it to Buffy....well it grinds Twilight's pathetic little existence into dust- sorta like when a vampire gets vanquished.





First of all, the girl in Twilight is a whiny little b****. I can only say this about the first two books, because those are the only ones I could stomach ( I know, I know, but I was curious what the big deal was). Buffy, on the other hand, goes out and kicks demon derierre on a daily basis. Who in their right mind would look up to a pathetic whiner over over a karate-chopping hottie?



Also, WAY more ironic that a slayer falls in love with a vampire than if a random moody, fragile bratty, selfish, ungrateful chick who does nothing but feel sorry for herself. Sure, Buffy feels sorry for herself sometimes, but come on. If you had to spend your adolescent years patroling graveyards and spiking the ugly-faced soulless, you might have all little self pity going on too.



On their breakups: I've only refreshed up to the first couple Episodes of Buffy Season 3, but Buffy's break up with the Angel (gorgeous!) was way more respectable then Twilight girl's breakup with Edward (not very attractive). My reasons for this start with the basis of each vampire's so-called "goodness."



A vampire CANNOT choose to be good. It's pretty much the definition of a vamp. They don't have SOULS. Duh. Being soulless pretty much decommissions your moral compass. So when Edward and his little "family" decides to be good, ugh. I don't even know what else to say. Just plain stupid.



Angel, on the other hand, does not DECIDE to be good. He is cursed by gypsies to get his soul back unless he has one moment of pure happiness (and he's unaware of the "moment of pure happiness stipulation). He has his conscience back, which was a good conscience when he was human. So he has an actual reason to be good.



Reasons for vampires' attaction to their previously mentioned counterparts: Edward to twilight chick- his blood called to her. OoooOOOOoo. How lame. Angel to Buffy- it was obviously ironic because of the slayer thing, but she respected the fact that he had a new tortured soul and he was obviously turned on by her slaying ability. You know, normal stuff. None of this "your blood is calling to me" junk.



Now that they're together, of course they have to break up. Twilight reason: I don't want to eat you. I'll give 'em this one, that's a good reason. What is wrong with this break up then? She loses control of herself and passes out into the woods for days until someone finds her, and spends the next however many months being a mindless, depressed, blowing off her mom (which she did from the beginning anyway) and now her dad (who I'm not entirely sure she even likes anyway, great role model) and anyone at school who tries to be her friend (yet claims to be lonely- again showing her ungrateful whinyness). Yada, yada, yada, my life sucks, I miss edward and his pale, transparentness, and non-personality that totally meshes with my non-personality. Edward comes back, yay, I now have a reason to live again! Ugh, spare me.



Buffy break up reason: Angel loses his tortured soul again because he shared a moment of pure happiness with the Buff-meister. Bummer. He goes off to be evil and try to kill her, all the while taunting her, her friends, and even her mother. He won't let her forget. She knows he's not the same, really, and part of her still loves him. But once she's over the "I lost my virginity to him which made him evil again" thing (that sucks), she is determined to send a spike though his sorry ass (ironically, it was Spike the Vampire aka Angel hater who helped her do this). And when he gets his soul back, she doesn't waver on this. She kisses him, tells him she still loves him, tells him to close his eyes, and- Vanquished! Then she disappears for a few months to deal with this on her own and keep the danger away from her friends and mommy because her current culty life style attracts the kind of people you don't bring home for dinner. Comes back, apologizes, back to slayage.



Sidenote: Seth Green makes a better werewolf than Taylor Lautner. Why, you ask? Yes, Taylor has bigger muscles. But come on, it's Seth Green.



Demographics for audience: Everyone could like Buffy. Not saying everyone did, but everyone could. It wasn't just the Vamps; it was demons, fish guys, giant bugs, zombies, anything else that could be evil. It had hot girls (to entertain guy fans). It had hot guys (to entertain the girl fans). And it had violence (to entertain everyone fans). I'd love to go around fighting all day and saving the world on account of "I'm the Chosen One" and my skills with a wooden spike. Who wouldn't want to be Buffy? I'd rather be awesome than be with Edward (who is NOT the "perfect" guy by the way. For those of you who think he is, and you ruin your relationships over this nonsense- well, then you deserved it. Yes, offense). Twilight/Edward obsession is purely for pre-adolescent fantasy-obsessed girls who can't appreciate what they have...(again- Yes, offense)



Lastly, and probably most important, the awesome 90s-ness in Buffy. She's always using violence (none of this modern, ninny, touchy-feely crap that tv is obsessed with this decade), 90s slang (what gives?), 90s fashion- 'nuff said (<--see what I did just there?), and the corny jokeage (there I go again)(Giles (British dude) talking to himself about the current zombie attack caused by Buffy's mom's foreign artifact: Ooh, look at this exotic mask I just got. It raises the dead, isn't it pretty?). Did I mention the 90s slang? I totally miss it.



In closing,

The '90s were awesome, Twilight sucks, and violence is fun. That is all.